Conditional Love

So I had a dream this weekend about my parents(not usual for me) telling me how selfish, self centered and wrong I have been (in my life) affecting others around me and destroying their lives. They also mentioned how I have damaged the body of Christ as explained in the bible. The crux of it was more how it reflected on their lives than my wife and kids...In my dream, I could not refute what they were saying, it was all to true. Towards the end of the dream before I awoke, I yelled back that I was only doing what I have been taught. And that is to love with expectations. My parents loved me this way because that is the way they see God's character and behavior. In the traditional bible view, you are accepted "if" you admit your worthlessness before God and ask for His forgiveness. So my whole life I have somehow compartmentalized all the double talk that christianity offers and placed them in neat little boxes and went on with the "religious mantra". I posted a standard list of christian double talk by Jeff Preddy

What Traditional Christians Say......&... What They Really Mean.... "There's nothing you must do to be saved."......VS...... "Here's what you must do to be saved:"
"You are absolutely, totally helpless to save yourself." ...VS.... .."You must make a wise right decision in order to be saved."
"God controls all things." .....VS....."God doesn't control man's free will."
"We can't boast about going to heaven." .VS. "If we go to hell, it's our own fault."
"Love never faileth!" ... "Love can't overcome human stubborness."
"Men are in bondage to sin." ...... "Men are free to choose Christ."
"Grace is unmerited favor..." ......."given only to those who merit it with faith and obedience."
"GOD IS THE SAVIOR OF ALL MANKIND (1 Tim. 4:10)" "......"except for about ninety percent of them."
"GOD'S LOVE IN UNCONDITIONAL" ..... "as long as you meet certain conditions."
"GOD'S WILL IS UNOPPOSABLE..." ........ " except by the sinner."
"Salvation is not a thing of chance." ..."There is no second chance to be saved."
"WE HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU!" ... "Most of mankind will perish forever."
"GOD LOVES YOU!" ........"as long as you love Him."
"Christ died for all sin..." ... "except the sin of not believing that He died for all sin."
"The Good Shepherd seeks the lost sheep until he finds it!"..."The Good Shepherd seeks until it's too late."
"God's justice was satisfied in the cross of Christ."...."God's justice demands eternal torment or annihilation."

© 1997 by Jeff Preddy.
May be copied for non-commercial purposes,
such as sharing the good news with others.

A great list that was given me by a dear friend. I never really thought about how that would influence me weeks later. The dream basically confirmed the truth that we reflect everything that makes up the core of our being...everything! good, bad or indifferent. We reflect God. to varying degrees and reflect an improper or skewed image of Him when we see Him in the wrong light. It trickles down you know.

So I am feeling a bit blue about the whole thing right now. Here is what has been bothering me and I have not sorted it all out..
I love my kids. They see me love them more when, their rooms are clean, they don't fight, They clean up after themselves,etc...the list grows. What they experience is that, I am less agitated, more receptive, engaged with them. However it is not enough that they behave in such a way to garnish that love to a central theme or point throughout the days and weeks.
Loving my spouse has a different dynamic but it has the same conditional undercurrent. There are certain things that she does that attract me to her more than others. There are tones, behaviors, and mannerisms that affect how much I want to relate to her and in what way. This is very conditional to me. as I step back to look at it. Perhaps I need to step back even further. Right now it vexes me though as i really cannot identify or even relate to unconditional love.
What does it really look like so that it can be felt and understood by a person? I have exampled it to death and still find myself wanting more...
It is an odd post, not for anyone to read really but to expresss some thoughts.. I am left feeling a bit empty and wanting....just not sure what......